Tough Mudder is Right! Part 3 and FINAL

Here, we entered the second half of our little adventure. Miles 6-12 weren't nearly as much fun as the first 6. After crawling out of the mountain lake, regaining my lung capacity, and noticing a nice clean pair of shoes, we trudged on a while longer. At this point, my mood started changing. That cold gear top I was so grateful to have, became more of a burden. It did not wick moisture away. Instead, it held it nice and tight to my body. At 40-45 degrees, windy and cloudy, it wasn't the best option. It slowly leaked water onto my hands the rest of the course. Mike kept calling my fingers Jimmie Deans because they were swelling like sausages. They went from purple to white and back to purple. 

How am I supposed to grab this if I can't feel my hands?

As I slid across this wall, I kept thinking "I will CRY if I fall in that water!" I had just started shivering but jogging and jumping jacks helped with the blood flow. I did make it over the wall. Later that night, I pulled several splinters out of my hand that I *think* I got here.

Mike's shirt was better. He could still feel his hands and he cruised right over.

We pressed on and came up to the Hold Your Wood challenge. You choose your log from a giant pile trying not to look like a wimp. Some did partner carries. Mike and I chose individual logs, then we carried them up and around a hill before throwing them back on the pile. I wasn't feeling very tough at that moment so I chose a small one.

Yay! The sun came out! I kinda feel my fingers in a pins and needles sort of way.
I bet that marine behind me was thinking "This is boring. How did I get stuck here
and not pushing people off a 2 story platform?"

Hmmmm, this is awkward to carry.

Now this is more like it. Show off.

Mike wasn't so sure about Trench Warfare. That whole thought of being buried alive came to mind. However, once we got through it, not so bad. No wind. Calm. I could've laid down and taken a nap. 

Headed in quickly. Sun still out.

At least I could see where I was going.

The end already?

Made it out faster than this guy! 

That wouldn't be the only time I made it through an obstacle quicker than he did. This one, speed didn't matter as much as it would later on.

Where I received a sweet looking mud goatee.

Beat him again!

After Kiss of Mud, my hands were definitely numb again. You can't see it but there is a marine with a firehouse off to the side of this one washing people off. Mike had so much mud on his shirt and pants, he had to get sprayed. Me? I made it through without getting any mud on my shirt. Even if I was covered, there was NO way I was volunteering to be sprayed with ice cold water that wasn't part of the obstacle. You'll notice I made it through faster during this one, too. Hmmmm. I see a trend forming. Those big, strong guys dominate most challenges, but the little people, like me, coast through anything close to the ground.

That guy made it over both walls without help. 

Berlin Walls were no joke. I made some friends really fast on this set. Mike told me later he had NO problem with a stranger grabbing my backside as long as he didn't have to chuck me over that thing alone. Any feeling I had in my hands on miles 6-7 were long gone at this point. Maybe I got some splinters here?

Of course, he made the first one solo.

Mike got a small boost to help him over the second one. We were pretty sure it was 6-12 inches higher than the first. You know, to keep things interesting. I saw a few more girls walk around these. Seriously! Make a friend and get tossed over! Plenty of single, strong guys looking to be heroes. Earn that headband, ladies!

Soon after came Twinkle Toes. This is when my brain started to shut off. I wasn't worried about making it over. Mike started discussing structure and stability again. All I heard was Charlie Brown's teacher talking. WAH WAH WAH, Wah wah... In my head: "Ok Laura, what do you tell your clients? Lower your center of gravity. If you look down, you'll fall down. Just. Keep. Moving." I hear the volunteer yelling "You have to go fast!" and watching people dump in the water. I swore if I hit that water, I would lose my mind.

I took off. Step. Step. Step. THERE'S AN ELEVATED BOARD IN THE MIDDLE?!? Don't fall. Don't fall. Don't fall. Keep moving. Keep moving. Don't look down. Don't look SPLASH! (At this point, if you know me, you can hear what I yelled when I hit that water.) Some chick walked across the platform as I was pulling myself out of the water. I about grabbed her ankle and pulled her in at the exact same moment Mike came running across the beam, and almost shoulder charged her into the crowd. Be aware of your surroundings, woman.

A little wobbly.

I was definitely shivering at this point. So mad I was dripping wet again, not that I ever dried off. I couldn't bend my fingers. I tried squeezing as much water out of my sleeves as I could, to no avail. Oh goody. More mud and waist deep water just past the balance beam. I tried to take another picture of the mud hills, but the camera was completely coated.

It seemed like miles 7-9 took forever. We saw a personal trainer pushing her client up one of the trails. Now that is dedication. We don't think her client made it to the end. She looked rougher than I did. Maybe she did. I hope so. I wouldn't do one of these with a client if I didn't think they could finish. 

After a mile or so of mountain trails, we approached this ginormous thing. Cliffhanger. It looked scary. Wait a minute? We have a hill in Wichita we run. This wasn't too much taller, even if the dirt was looser. We scanned the area a bit, then took off. No problem. Made it to the top with fairly minimal effort. I felt a smidgen cocky as I passed several guys struggling. I was grasping at straws for confidence at this point.

Speed is key

Then another freaking wall! Seriously, with these. At least this one had ropes. I couldn't feel my hands, but they were still working. Mike followed me over in case I spontaneously let go and attempted a head injury.

Just like Junior High gym class.

We trekked through some actual brush. It was a single lane trail for a while. I was amazed at how many people laying on the side of the course, cramping. There were several, super sized, golf carts hauling people around. The last 4-5 miles, more people had foil wrapped around them than didn't. I kept telling myself I didn't need all that. Hindsight...

We approach Black Lightning. I have no clue what that is supposed to mean. I had gotten very flaky at this point. Still shivering uncontrollably, but now it was so bad, other mudders would point at me and whisper. If I could've felt my fingers, I would've showed them one. I just couldn't bear any more water. Please, for the love, no more water. "Is there water in there?" I asked the marine. He smirked and said "maybe a little". Hmmmm, what is so funny there, smart guy?

A giant tarp covered a low structure. People were very slow to enter.
They know something we don't.

Hmmm, what's going on in there?

This is what we could see.

Mike went in first. I chose a tunnel off to his left. It was very quiet until you turned the corner. Then I heard it. Grown men screaming like little girls and a chorus of F-bombs. It was LOUD. What on Earth is going on?!? I had the camera with me. It didn't have a flash but it did have enough light that I could see the little, live wires. Sneaky... I kept the camera on and pointed forward. Again, being a little woman paid off. I stayed low and slithered my way between them. One guy did knock one right into my ponytail. It certainly didn't tickle. I had a headache for the next several minutes. If it wasn't for him, I probably would've made it through with no shocks. Mike wasn't so lucky. Sorry about your big muscles there, babe.

I made it through faster and he wasn't very happy coming out.

That definitely perked me up a bit. Hey, a mild, electric shock will do that to you. We approach the main camp area and hear the music. Finishers are yelling and encouraging us. "Only 1 mile left!!! 4 more obstacles!!! You got this!" Are they messing with us? That would be awesome. Which ones haven't we done yet? My brain is scrambled from the jolt, the dehydration, and the hypothermia. Whatever, Laura. One. More. Mile. One. More. Mile. Water. My heart dropped. Boa Constrictor.

I'm on the verge of tears just looking at this. The spectators crossing
were wearing ski gear and stocking caps.

Mike takes off down the tube on the right, and I slid in the one next to him. That water didn't look that deep. I bet I can stay out of it! NOPE. Barbed wire. Of course, there was barbed wire. Well, there was no backing out. I crawled through, and the water was warmer than I was. Pleasant surprise. Up the other side, I made it out before Mike. I looked down his tunnel and he was stuck. He couldn't get traction to climb up and out. I sat down and gave him a foot to grab. I had to use my leg to pull him, and the next guy, up, and out of the tube.

We discuss that it wasn't too bad as we come around the corner, just to look down the hill at this. That's Walk the Plank down there. You might have noticed Mike and I haven't stopped to take pictures of each other participating in each obstacle. We were just trying to get through them as quickly as we could and it was a miracle I snapped any at all. I am pitching a pretty good fit as we approach this one. Mike said I could walk around it, but reminded me how tacky I thought it was when those other girls skipped obstacles. FINE. I climbed up onto the platform and stood shivering so hard I looked like a white guy trying to dance at the club. The very attractive (this helped) marine looked at me and asked "Are you OK ma'am?" DO I LOOK LIKE A MA'AM TO YOU!? is what I thought in my head. What I said was "I'm so FREAKING cold!" Only I didn't say "freaking". He asked if I needed a push. I'm thinking "Seriously, dude. If you dare push me, I will climb back up here and push YOU in." Instead I pointed to Mike and said that we'd be jumping together.

I take a leap, and grab my headband. Why I cared so much about the sleeve of a t-shirt at that moment, you've got me. I hit the water feet first then ended up doing a backwards roll. Oh crap. There's a camera in my bra. Ok. Still there. Nice Laura. Worry about the headband and not the 4 hours of pictures documenting this "wonderful" journey. (Can you all sense my thick sarcasm and crankiness?) Then some woman is sitting in my path to get out of the water laughing at her friend that probably got pushed off. "Get the heck out of the way!!!" I yell in my head, only I didn't use "heck". She saw the death look on my face. It must've been enough to get my point across.

It looks way higher when you are standing up there. 

I come out of the water. People were staring and pointing now. I couldn't control the shivering. I couldn't feel my hands or forearms. For the first time, I notice my feet were cold. What a blessing it was just one set of limbs up until this point.

Then this happened. Electric Eel. I stood right there and cried. Not for long. Only a few tears. Mike grabbed me. I knew he was miserable, too. I got so mad at myself, I dried my tears on the only spot of his shoulder that didn't have mud on it and went for it. I laid flat on my face in the water I dreaded so much. I think that scared me more than the electric shocks. At least we could see these. The same chorus of cuss words and screams surrounded me. I made it to the very end. Took one shock on my right calf as I was being pulled out. I remember yelling "Please someone come get me!" and they did.

P.S. That's NOT Mike with the fanny pack.. He's WAY more bow-legged than that. 

Ok, water obstacles are over. I made it. It renewed my spirit slightly as we approached Everest. I did grab some foil as we waited for all those people in front of us to go. Most of them loitered a bit. Mike looked at me and said "I'm cramping, babe. I gotta go before my knee locks up." We drop the foil and he takes off. He is so fast. I knew he'd make it. If some chick "helping" at the top would've gotten out of the way, he probably could've made it on his own.

My turn. I run as fast as I can and jump right at Mike and a marine pulling people up. These guys must be so tired at the end of the day after dragging tons of us over that wall. Mike and I locked hands like we were in a movie. The marine and I, not so much. He let go. I yelled "I'm NOT going back down!" He grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand over. I hung on for dear life as he and Mike dragged me over. It wasn't pretty, but it only took one try.

Wondering if I have enough left in my legs for this. 

There it is. One obstacle left. Electroshock Therapy. The only thing between me and an orange headband. I deserved it. Those punks standing there joined together as a team and wouldn't move. I'm yelling all sorts of things to get them to go. Someone is spraying a fireman hose through the wires at people that won't start running. Mike and I jump around them and over those hay bales. We're on a dead sprint. Neither one of us waiting on the other. Teamwork? We both knew we could hold hands later. We wanted to be done. I believe he got hit 3 times and guess what? I only got hit once. The guy with the hose either felt sorry for me shaking as badly as I was, or respected that we charged right in, because he didn't spray us once. 

Bring it on.

DONE!!!! WE'RE FINALLY DONE!!! Give me that headband before I punch you in the throat! Where's the beer?! Screw it, I can't feel my hands. Mike lost his wristband so they won't even give him one. Are you freaking kidding me?! We may have earned that beer but we didn't want it.

Well, why wouldn't the sun come out once we were done?

Why are our faces so fat? Hypothermia? Dehydration? Who cares. We finished....

The mile and a half hike back to car was cruel. Mike's knee locked up and he couldn't hardly walk. I have hands? I couldn't feel them. Once we made it back, I stripped naked in the mostly empty parking lot and didn't care who saw my bare backside. I was so excited to get something dry on. We finally sat down, car heater blasting, and smiled at each other with dumbfounded looks on our faces. "Well, that was stupid..."

Can't wait to do it again! Well, I'll prepare better. I'll get there early enough to shop before, and not after. I won't wear a chamois, I'll wear something that wicks water. However, it only took 2 days before we decided it was worth it!

Follow me on Twitter: @LauraHeddenPT

Find me building a snow man tomorrow with my babies!