Warrior Moms!!! Roar!!!

So a former teammate of mine posts a few months back about running the Warrior Dash and asks if anyone wants to join her "team". It happens to be a night Mike and I are in our office hanging out. Well, he was working and I was playing on FB. Warrior Dash? I've heard of other friends running it. I google it. It looks fun. We have two months to prepare. Let's go for it! It's ONLY a 5K right?

I write us a program. We are diligent for about a week. Then life happens. I have kids. We're busy. They're tired and cranky. Oh wait, that's me. I find I have turned into one of my less successful clients. Making all the "I don't have time" excuses. I won't even claim Mike. He's on his own. He asks me to write him another program. Yep, I'll get right on that. I already wrote you one for free! Duh! It's still untouched on the 'fridge! I have paying clients that take precedence over you, Honey. I know you're my husband but you can take your happy butt outside and run whenever you want. 

Needless to say, the week of the race arrives. We are unprepared. Well, for our standards, unprepared. I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous. 

Mike and I just arrived at the course. Pre mud.

We go through what I'm guessing is the typical check-in, check your bag, check your bladder, then head down to the starting line. The wave before us takes off. We look at each other, all our friends and everyone jumps in line. Thankful to get started 30 minutes early so we don't have time to psych ourselves out.

Let's go!

The first mile sucks. I'm trying to keep pace with the guys and it feels like they are running a sub 6 minute mile up a mountain. They aren't. It's probably more like a 10 minute + pace on a gradual hill. Coming up on the first obstacles of crawling under barbed wire and through a little trench covered in 2x6s is a welcome relief to the lung burn.

Way to knock the boards off, Baby!

I think the next obstacle is the tight rope over the pond, but I can't be sure since most of the ropes are under water. It turns into a half pulling/half swimming challenge. More running ensues. Climbing over things is next. Then the waist deep water to a floating device of some kind we're supposed to climb onto, then over. The waist deep water turns into ear deep water, I start treading while my friend accidentally grabs a dead fish. Perhaps a few thousand people trudging through their environment had something to do with that? 

I wonder if Strawberry Shortcake or the Pirate behind me kept their hats throughout the race...

We make it through the water obstacles ok, and we're loving that they cool us off. I'm accidentally smart enough that I wore moisture wicking, fitted clothes. I imagine I wouldn't enjoy feeling like I have an 8 pound diaper in my pants. You know what I'm talking about. That poor toddler at the swimming pool whose mother forgot or doesn't care that her kid doesn't have a swimmer diaper. I do see some poor souls that have this problem going on.

Then more running. Oh the RUNNNNNNING! It's killing me. I'm burping up Quiznos. My water logged Pumas weigh about 75 pounds a piece. I swear we're running at a sub 5 minute pace now. Hold on, did that dude walking just pass me? I'm actually looking forward to the cargo net crawling, wall scaling, and over/under wall jumping/barbed wire squatting. It'll give my ridiculously poor cardiovascular health a break. We stumble through some sort of tire race reminiscent of high school football. Mike is taking these obstacles like he's jumping over 12 inch cones during college soccer preseason. His face looks like that kid in a candy store with Grandpa buying. 

I don't think he needed the rope. He ran over that thing so fast. 

Over...

Under...

Then we smell the turkey legs! Whoot! We must be getting close! Oh crap. That's not turkey. It's the smell of burnt leg hair from all the guys jumping over the fire. This is probably the best obstacle though. Not hard to jump over, but we still feel pretty tough. Then the mud pit and the finish line are calling us home! Sliding into the mud pit is awkward to say the least, but not nearly as awkward as the feeling of my boobs floating out of my bra. Are they floating out of my bra? That can't be right! No, it was just full of water and I'm thankful the camera guy doesn't get a show when I start crawling out! 

We cross the finish line. Pretty pumped to get our medals. So excited to see those bananas on the table! I'll eat a muddy banana. No shame in my game. I'm just glad my lungs didn't explode! Overall, this race is a great experience for me, all my other former athlete, and/or young mommy friends that did it with Mike and I. I think that beer tastes better than any I've had before. Especially when I know my children are safe at my mom's house and I get to sleep in past 8:00 am!!!

We celebrate! Best date ever!

Yep. I'm tough. I get my guns from carrying toddlers around all day.

Teammates for the last 16+ years. Now we're raising our babies to be teammates too!

Coolest camera ever. It claims waterproof up to 3 meters. I concur. Someone tell them it's mud proof too.
Oh and tell them to pay me for endorsing it! 

I Pee When I Sneeze!

"I pee when I sneeze!" is a common thing I hear from most of my clients. Given that most of my clients are recent, and not so recent, mommies, it doesn't surprise me. They also pee when they laugh, cough, fart, jump, run, chase children, hit bumps in their car, etc. Oh the joys of pregnancy, right?

"It's such a beautiful time in a woman's life!" Whatever! There was nothing beautiful about what I had going on other than the amount of money I must've made the shareholders at Taco Tico because that's all I wanted! Every. Single. Day.

"You forget all the discomforts once you hold that precious child!" I didn't. I was grateful she was finally on the outside instead of constantly playing hopscotch from my bladder to my colon. I was grateful I didn't have to hug the toilet 17 times a day and pretend I just had a 24 hour bug instead of a 9 1/2 month hangover. Yes, the second one came late but was a lot of fun to make...

I do remember how I enjoyed feeling those first few kicks, and seeing those knees and elbows roll around like little aliens. I remember more how constipated I got, how much I threw up and still managed to gain 40 lbs. I remember how glorious it was to set my bowl of ice cream on my tummy like it was a table.  Then watch the Biggest Loser, only to think somehow, I still must have it better than they did. After all, I was, generally speaking, just carrying the weight in one area.

2nd kid. She came out 32 days after this pic was taken. Little Butthead.  Good times. 

Now, my 2nd child was only 8 pounds, 7 ounces. I maintained a pretty active lifestyle throughout the pregnancy. Who wouldn't with all that running to the bathroom, nearest trashcan, parking lot, or dressing room to throw up in. Labor and recovery was not horrible for me. Although, my husband MAY have had a rougher time than I did. Bless his heart... Regardless, with my knowledge of the body and my pelvic floor, I knew what I had to do to "fix" what that little miracle had done to my body.

Enter personal trainer mindset:
Core muscles are extremely valuable. I don't care if you are a 12 year old olympic marathon runner, a 75 year old recreational pole vaulter, a 25 year old professional athlete or 40 year old stay-at-home mother of 1, CORE STRENGTH IS PRICELESS.

Are you tired of peeing when you sneeze? How about when you laugh, cough, fart, jump, run, chase children, or hit bumps in the car?  There are a few key exercises you can do to prevent this.

KEGEL. Kegel like your life depended on it. In line at the grocery store. In the shower. Giving the kids a bath. Watching TV. The only way anyone will know if you are doing a kegel is if you have that silly, confused "am I doing this right?" look on your face. "Well Laura, how do I know if I'm doing it right?" Girl, squeeze your business like you'll never let yourself pee again. Repeat often. Every single day.

Another exercise that will engage the entire pelvic floor is the pelvic tilt. Start by lying on the ground with your knees bent and feet flat on the floor.

Yes, that's my puppy dog's nose. Yes, we're in the office. 

The roll of the hips is minimal, but makes a HUGE difference. 

Squeeze your butt cheeks like you are trying not to poop your pants, roll your hips slightly towards the ceiling and do a kegel. This will encompass your entire pelvic floor. Your hips will raise slightly off the ground and you'll even get a little ab work in the process if you're doing it right.

Hopefully, with enough pelvic floor "rehab" you will prevent all your embarrassing leakage moments. I know that by doing these few simple exercises, I will never have to worry about it!