Warrior Moms!!! Roar!!!

So a former teammate of mine posts a few months back about running the Warrior Dash and asks if anyone wants to join her "team". It happens to be a night Mike and I are in our office hanging out. Well, he was working and I was playing on FB. Warrior Dash? I've heard of other friends running it. I google it. It looks fun. We have two months to prepare. Let's go for it! It's ONLY a 5K right?

I write us a program. We are diligent for about a week. Then life happens. I have kids. We're busy. They're tired and cranky. Oh wait, that's me. I find I have turned into one of my less successful clients. Making all the "I don't have time" excuses. I won't even claim Mike. He's on his own. He asks me to write him another program. Yep, I'll get right on that. I already wrote you one for free! Duh! It's still untouched on the 'fridge! I have paying clients that take precedence over you, Honey. I know you're my husband but you can take your happy butt outside and run whenever you want. 

Needless to say, the week of the race arrives. We are unprepared. Well, for our standards, unprepared. I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous. 

Mike and I just arrived at the course. Pre mud.

We go through what I'm guessing is the typical check-in, check your bag, check your bladder, then head down to the starting line. The wave before us takes off. We look at each other, all our friends and everyone jumps in line. Thankful to get started 30 minutes early so we don't have time to psych ourselves out.

Let's go!

The first mile sucks. I'm trying to keep pace with the guys and it feels like they are running a sub 6 minute mile up a mountain. They aren't. It's probably more like a 10 minute + pace on a gradual hill. Coming up on the first obstacles of crawling under barbed wire and through a little trench covered in 2x6s is a welcome relief to the lung burn.

Way to knock the boards off, Baby!

I think the next obstacle is the tight rope over the pond, but I can't be sure since most of the ropes are under water. It turns into a half pulling/half swimming challenge. More running ensues. Climbing over things is next. Then the waist deep water to a floating device of some kind we're supposed to climb onto, then over. The waist deep water turns into ear deep water, I start treading while my friend accidentally grabs a dead fish. Perhaps a few thousand people trudging through their environment had something to do with that? 

I wonder if Strawberry Shortcake or the Pirate behind me kept their hats throughout the race...

We make it through the water obstacles ok, and we're loving that they cool us off. I'm accidentally smart enough that I wore moisture wicking, fitted clothes. I imagine I wouldn't enjoy feeling like I have an 8 pound diaper in my pants. You know what I'm talking about. That poor toddler at the swimming pool whose mother forgot or doesn't care that her kid doesn't have a swimmer diaper. I do see some poor souls that have this problem going on.

Then more running. Oh the RUNNNNNNING! It's killing me. I'm burping up Quiznos. My water logged Pumas weigh about 75 pounds a piece. I swear we're running at a sub 5 minute pace now. Hold on, did that dude walking just pass me? I'm actually looking forward to the cargo net crawling, wall scaling, and over/under wall jumping/barbed wire squatting. It'll give my ridiculously poor cardiovascular health a break. We stumble through some sort of tire race reminiscent of high school football. Mike is taking these obstacles like he's jumping over 12 inch cones during college soccer preseason. His face looks like that kid in a candy store with Grandpa buying. 

I don't think he needed the rope. He ran over that thing so fast. 

Over...

Under...

Then we smell the turkey legs! Whoot! We must be getting close! Oh crap. That's not turkey. It's the smell of burnt leg hair from all the guys jumping over the fire. This is probably the best obstacle though. Not hard to jump over, but we still feel pretty tough. Then the mud pit and the finish line are calling us home! Sliding into the mud pit is awkward to say the least, but not nearly as awkward as the feeling of my boobs floating out of my bra. Are they floating out of my bra? That can't be right! No, it was just full of water and I'm thankful the camera guy doesn't get a show when I start crawling out! 

We cross the finish line. Pretty pumped to get our medals. So excited to see those bananas on the table! I'll eat a muddy banana. No shame in my game. I'm just glad my lungs didn't explode! Overall, this race is a great experience for me, all my other former athlete, and/or young mommy friends that did it with Mike and I. I think that beer tastes better than any I've had before. Especially when I know my children are safe at my mom's house and I get to sleep in past 8:00 am!!!

We celebrate! Best date ever!

Yep. I'm tough. I get my guns from carrying toddlers around all day.

Teammates for the last 16+ years. Now we're raising our babies to be teammates too!

Coolest camera ever. It claims waterproof up to 3 meters. I concur. Someone tell them it's mud proof too.
Oh and tell them to pay me for endorsing it!